Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I Wish I Could Paint Like You

Wow. What a week so far. There are so many opportunities for artists out there. So many opportunities to open peoples eyes to creating inspiration. Everyday I am networking to make my life breathing art 24-7. I want to be that "working artist" I know it will be a rough road. I don't know why but it is my destiny to create and leave a legacy with my work. Yet I still feel weak in the area of confidence for my abilities. It is funny I am having more and more people like my work and that is very humbling. I thought my work was only good enough for my hobby. Maybe it still is but Something inside me drives me to push and claw my way out of obscurity. I want my work to touch more people as it already has touched a small number. Yes of course I love what I do If I did not I would not do it. My confidence level needs to grow. I look at other artists work and it seems to come easy to them. They are so refined and that finished product they put out is so amazing. I often wonder if they put their heart into it because they are so talented. I wonder if they take advantage of their talent and expect it to be greatness. I have to restrain myself from saying that awful envious phrase"i wish i could paint like you" In reality I do not. I have people loving supporting people that do not want me to change the integrity of my style. I recently had a gallery comment they would not have my work on their walls. In a very sarcastic tone. Very deliberate. Like he was making sure that dagger delves deep into my soul where the inspiration comes from. What is that all about. I have recieved so many e-mails this week from galleries very politely replying to my submissions...thanks but at this time there is not a market for you in our gallery. I can accept that. And they always ad...keep looking and good luck with your........hey. I can take that. I know and I spoke on it in previous blogs...there are the assholes in this industry. the pretentious self loathing fools that believe their shit does not stink. I realize that and I have accepted that. I had a nice long talk with myself before I embarked on this journey of mine that I will be criticized as all artists are , visual, music, written...any art has a ying and yang to their work. They have a following of both sides. negative/positive. Without the positive you have no support. without the negative you have no drive or incentive. Incentive to prove them wrong. Incentive to validate your goals and the love of what you do. I really don't need that pat on the back but I do want to see the smiles and tears of the people I touch. I love to make people happy and see them appreciate the love I want to offer themt hrough my art. Yes a part of me wants to live through my art but that is not my focus. But a man has to eat. So I guess I dont want to paint like you. At least not in the physical sense. I do not want to steel your ideas or mimic your technique. I dont even want to be organized like you, I dont want to have that perfect composition either. I dont even want to have it come easy to me. I want to continue to create the way I create, it comes from my heart, it is a fight and a chore to do what I do. It takes all of my mind and heart. It takes all of my energy and yes I have to be in the mood. I have to be inspired. I have to be painting with purpose. yes my love for what I do transcends just painting and creating to just paint and create. It is meaningful and I have a reason I create. everyday I am so thankful and humbled by the gift I have been given to arrange colors and turn a very simple subject into a story to be told. "I wish I Could Paint More Like Me"

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