Painting with Pain

Is it true an artist creates better when there is a tragedy? Does an artist need that negative to create positive? I recently lost my father a couple of days before thanksgiving and I did not feel like creating anything. I did not have that creative spirit to paint in dark colors to release all that bullshit I feel. I guess some may do that but I have only seen it in the movies. I painted but it was so hard to focus. I am at peace with his death and understand that it is a natural event. It happens to all of us. We all have a different script but the same ending. Mortality, finality here on earth. As for what IS after we pass...that is to your interpretation of what you know and feel. I had no visions in my head to paint something so revealing and special. As it is I have a problem painting from my heart right now. I think I will offend or hurt family members. I guess I am being respectful to them and disrespectful to the arts and our integrity. There is no compromise when it comes to our creative process and subject matter. Our subject matter is in our hearts everyday. Our reasons for painting are all around u and we should be inspired as artists to change the world. I had that realization recently and committed to myself to express myself honestly and not be a hypocrite. I talk of creating and not producing for the masses. But in truth I guess painting safe is just as much as producing as it can get. Creating is being honest. Then maybe understanding the artist who creates from his or her heart while going to a tragedy makes sense to me now. They can paint the pain in a picture for all or maybe just for them to see. But we paint to change and to inspire. We paint for the world to be aware of the truth in how we see the world. Our world through an artists eyes is revealing, compelling and very profound. It can hurt, it can heal and it can incite. That is who we are. So I guess I just answered my original question. 

Do You Love Your Work?

I found myself this week wondering if I am truly happy with what I have been creating. I know others like my work. Do I love my work? I would say no. I am not creating the work that makes me completely happy. What kind of work that is?, I will have to explore and then i can truly and honestly create works of Art. I have been blogging in the past about producing versus creating. I guess I have the passion to create and yet I have been producing. I might be afraid to let go and be me in and through my work. As I troll through the internet in search of inspiration I see that there are so many artists upon artists that are defined by what they create and their creative process. I question my finished piece but I do not compromise my creative process. I learned that shit on my own. I am annoyed with myself and disappointed because I have not been honest with myself. The subject matter is irrelevant to others. I am not painting for them. I am painting for me. If I was an art vending machine and I relied on making the public happy to make a living then It would matter because I am trying to feed the machine. the people I am talking to are not worried about this or that they just want to see me create. the people that I am holding dear to my heart are the people that are emotional when they share the experience with me. We all have our reasons as artists to create our work. I create to inspire and love. I know I sound really corny when I make that statement but It is true. Of course I am filling a void inside me when I create....but reaching out to others to connect with my work is just as important. If I compromise myself and attempt to force myself to paint a specific subject rather than let it flow and not worry about what is coming out everyone sees that in my work. I am learning. I am seeing. I am feeling. When I am at an event and someone comes up to me and tells me my work sees right through their soul...it really makes me think and puts me in check about what an artists life is worth on this earth. Why we are here. What is our purpose? That is the answer when someone is moved by your work. Am I looking too much into it? If we are to keep our work private and paint for ourselves then we take no responsibility because we are not reaching out. If we are reaching out and sharing with others publicly...we are responsible and held accountable. IF we paint with our soul and give thought and meaning to our work...then we let everyone in and that is where we connect. Today I am stuck because I have not followed my own rule. Today I make that change and not wait for tomorrow. For tomorrow might never come.

Post or NOT to Post....Art BLOG?

There was a very good reason I started writing this blog. Somehow that reason turned into a pipe dream. I wanted to reach peopl and connect with the artists that can inspire me and motivate me. I started to interact with some and somehow I lost them. I do not know If they just got bored of what I had to say or their lives got busy. I guess it does not really matter. I should still write anyway. Life is always marching on. I always have a thought or two about what I paint wnat to paint or have painted. I always have a thought or two of the rules people put on artists and how they SHOULD be doing things. When I create I do not want rules. I just want to create colorful enjoyable bold statement lovely hopeful crazy bright happy sad etc......all of the above kind of works with no boundaries.

I think we set our own limits to what we can do in life. When it comes to art I have talked with fellow artists whom are so gifted and classically trained. They have learned from the brightest of teachers. They have spent a large amount of money for their degrees and reall yhave benefited from the training. I am sure they have expanded their knowledge of technique and their range of creative tools is huge. Does that make sense? In other words they know a lot. I ask myself this....did they sacrifice passion for this education? Did they create a barrier for themselves when it comes to the creative process? I often wonder if I should have continued with my education instead of going for the dollar. My life experiences has brought me back to my love for creating. My situation and circumstances have brought me here to this point in my life. Could I have done it sooner Would I have been burned out from shoving all that info in my head about how and where and who....when creating? I will never know. All I know is my education is networking, talking, experimentation, watching, listening..... I love people. I love to learn about their lives and feel their emotions. I love to see people pleased about where they are at in life. I also love the tragedy of life and the recovery. It is very satisfying to me to see healing. We all know there will be tragedy in life...the true character in a person is their fortitude. How they bounce back. My passion for my work is my way of healing. My passion for creating works of art is my way of helping people heal. Seeing the hope n someones eyes when they are given a piece I have created is a remarkable feeling. If they connect with my work it is a very fulfilling moment for me.

Ok. What does all of thi shave to do with blogging. Everything. I just wrote all of this down. I just took a chance that someone reading this will connect with what I am saying and maybe I said it in a way that makes sense to them. I may have touched on a subject one day that can help them understand their own thought. I am a very raw and basic writer. I have a very small amount of formal education. I am not the brightest light in the lamp. I speak humbly and am always evolving learning and trying to apply my life to my work. I am who I am if you are interested in learning together then lets blog and interact together.

Nervous Pre Exhibition Jitters?

WOW. What a weekend. Friday night I had a wonderful opportunity to shocase my work again at Elise's Tea Room in Long Beach California. All was going smoothly. We set up the work and hung them beautifully. My family brought me dinner so we can be all set to go. As I was finishing my meal people started to walk in looking for the artist. I spoke with several and everyone was very pleased. A couple with their children came in and introduced themselves. I had been waiting for this person to arrive. As we were talking I felt very weak and nauseous. We continued the conversation and I tried to tough it out..to no avail. I excused myself and did not return to the gfallery area for about an hour or so. I missed the meat of the night. I do not wan tto get into what was going on over that porcelain. I thought at the time it was the food.....but...in retrospect I am starting to believe it was nerves. How could I be so nervous? This is an exciting time. Poeple are actually responding positively to my work. Subconsciously I was scared. Scared of the rejection or the negative. There was none. It was a very special night. I am so thankful for people in my life who support me in this change of life direction. Creating pieces of work that will inspire people to love the Arts and rejuvinate that childlike love for Art. I remember as a child how special it was to pick up a paint brush or a colored pencil set. I loved seeing the vibrant colors being applied to the surface. today my life consists of creating, networking, creating, dreaming, shaking hands, creating and talking about our love for Art!  I guess I still have a fear I will wake up one day and someone will tell me I am crazy and to stop! I do not want to stop! I wan tto create for the rest of my life. Will I say goodbye tomorrow? If I do say goodbye tomorrow I will have done what I have wanted to do the most in my whole 43 years of living. I am recognized as an Artist. I am recognized as an artist because I love creating. I love sharing my work. I enjoy seeing people look at my work. I stare right at them and see their reactions to my texture, to the rust, to the subject....it is very overwhelming. I might lose my house this year, I might not be driving the sporty cars anymore like I am used to, I might not be able to spend money as easily as before, but I am creating everyday and I am in love with the creative process. To me it is worth it. I will survive. I have just changed my direction. Inspiring others to love the Arts. Networking with other wonderful talented artists to collaborate with each other to be like minded in this cause.

Quit Your Fuckin Whining! Just PAINT and shut up!!!!

I know I can be a little blunt at times for the people who know me. There are just some people that cross your path in life that might inspire you or kick you in the ass when you are feeling down or sorry for yourself. These people are individuals that are in tremendous circumstances in their lives and yet they seem to rise above far and beyond us. We are just weak compared to these people. We are so inadequate to be in the same species as these people. A young man I am "friends" with on MySpace touched me today. He is what I call a true Artist. He is an ARTIST. He loves creating pieces that inspire others instantly. This young man is a quadriplegic. He paints. He has a burning desire to continue creating and nothing is stopping him. I am sure his story has been told over and over. I am passing it on to you and I am also looking in the mirror to remind myself to....Quit Your Fuckin Whining! Just PAINT and shut up!!!! Give this man a visit and see him create his work on his profile. You will be changed forever. I wanted to write something profound and emotional to convey what I feel about this man. I wanted to tell everyone how we should be grateful and appreciate that we have all of our functions and facilities in order to be able to create openly and freely....we should always be careful of our next step. We can impact each other so profoundly in such a brief moment. Please read about this man and learn.  www.myspace.com/deathcheaterdiar