Wednesday, April 20, 2011

What Was I thinking Again?

It is funny how writers block happens. I am so excited to write something all day. I live it and breathe it. I talk about it to myself all day and then I go crazy because I need to write it down and I cannot because I am at work and focused on the task at hand. So many thoughts build up endlessly over and over and layers upon layers of ideas. I mull over which idea I will write first. I get more excited and anxiety sets in because I wonder if people will get what I write. All of the sudden I think of all the criticism I might face and then I cry because my freaking head hurts. So I start making myself feel better and encourage myself in the mirror all while I find the time to see my image in the mirror and think of all these horrible outcomes to someone reading what I write. I could be creating my thoughts for everyone to read. And then when I finally get or make time to write after I am in my room or calmed down…I forget it all. So I start the whole process over again. This time because I cannot remember all the wonderful things I had to say in the first place. Wonderful encouraging words that can make a difference in artists lives. Words that can be healing to a creator and maybe that one person that has not created in such a long time that he or she just needed the right word to help them just get in front of their creative tool and give of their soul to the world. In the end of all of this process I just sit and write what I feel like if I am talking to someone. Someone special that needs my advice. I write like I am having a conversation with people I meet every day that have a problem or a concern about something that I can relate to and I have an opinion about it. Whether or not they can relate to my opinion is not my problem but theirs. Writing is just another expression and an art itself. I paint and create my works of art on my metal and whether or not if someone can relate to it or not I will continue to create it as long as God allows me to breathe and stay alive with enough strength to create. I will write in the same way and give of my soul translating that passion in my writings. I love people. All people even the assholes I meet. They are beautiful souls. They are just lost. Once you penetrate those exteriors and get past the shit they will open up and be so interesting. Sometimes we complain that people do not give us a chance to talk to them. But…do we give them a chance? Can we honestly say we eliminated all the excuse they can throw at us to justify the way they act towards us? Do we include them in our conversations? Are we genuine and loving when we are around them? Do we greet them even though they do not reciprocate? Do we think “I am not kissing their ass” so I will just ignore them kind of attitude? Do we call ourselves loving honest Christian folk only when it is comfortable? Do we say we are righteous when it does not hurt? Are we good moral people only when people are able to hear and see us but in private with our loved ones what is the truth? LOL how funny. All this shit goes on in my head and I grind my teeth because I love people so much. I am so empathetic towards people it affects my health. I have people that I really love that say hurtful things to me and I listen to them put me down how I am this way or that way and yet they have not looked in the mirror and explore the possibility that the reason I am the way I am is because they have created that situation in their own heads. Of by the way…I AM a piece of shit. I know I am. I do not hide from that truth. So don’t call me a hypocrite. BUT. I love you. Each and every one of you idiots. If I can touch your heart with my writing and paintings then I will be happy the rest of my life. Don’t even tell me about it. It doesn’t matter whether I know or not. We are all connected and in one way or another through an indirect way we will affect change in each other’s life directly or indirectly. So what is your excuse today? Why didn’t you create? LOL

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I Love Idiots

It is funny how writers block happens. I am so excited to write something all day. I live it and breathe it. I talk about it to myself all day and then I go crazy because I need to write it down and I cannot because I am at work and focused on the task at hand. So many thoughts build up endlessly over and over and layers upon layers of ideas. I mull over which idea I will write first. I get more excited and anxiety sets in because I wonder if people will get what I write. All of the sudden I think of all the criticism I might face and then I cry because my freaking head hurts. So I start making myself feel better and encourage myself in the mirror all while I find the time to see my image in the mirror and think of all these horrible outcomes to someone reading what I write. I could be creating my thoughts for everyone to read. And then when I finally get or make time to write after I am in my room or calmed down…I forget it all. So I start the whole process over again. This time because I cannot remember all the wonderful things I had to say in the first place. Wonderful encouraging words that can make a difference in artists lives. Words that can be healing to a creator and maybe that one person that has not created in such a long time that he or she just needed the right word to help them just get in front of their creative tool and give of their soul to the world. In the end of all of this process I just sit and write what I feel like if I am talking to someone. Someone special that needs my advice. I write like I am having a conversation with people I meet every day that have a problem or a concern about something that I can relate to and I have an opinion about it. Whether or not they can relate to my opinion is not my problem but theirs. Writing is just another expression and an art itself. I paint and create my works of art on my metal and whether or not if someone can relate to it or not I will continue to create it as long as God allows me to breathe and stay alive with enough strength to create. I will write in the same way and give of my soul translating that passion in my writings. I love people. All people even the assholes I meet. They are beautiful souls. They are just lost. Once you penetrate those exteriors and get past the shit they will open up and be so interesting. Sometimes we complain that people do not give us a chance to talk to them. But…do we give them a chance? Can we honestly say we eliminated all the excuse they can throw at us to justify the way they act towards us? Do we include them in our conversations? Are we genuine and loving when we are around them? Do we greet them even though they do not reciprocate? Do we think “I am not kissing their ass” so I will just ignore them kind of attitude? Do we call ourselves loving honest Christian folk only when it is comfortable? Do we say we are righteous when it does not hurt? Are we good moral people only when people are able to hear and see us but in private with our loved ones what is the truth? LOL how funny. All this shit goes on in my head and I grind my teeth because I love people so much. I am so empathetic towards people it affects my health. I have people that I really love that say hurtful things to me and I listen to them put me down how I am this way or that way and yet they have not looked in the mirror and explore the possibility that the reason I am the way I am is because they have created that situation in their own heads. Of by the way…I AM a piece of shit. I know I am. I do not hide from that truth. So don’t call me a hypocrite. BUT. I love you. Each and every one of you idiots. If I can touch your heart with my writing and paintings then I will be happy the rest of my life. Don’t even tell me about it. It doesn’t matter whether I know or not. We are all connected and in one way or another through an indirect way we will affect change in each other’s life directly or indirectly. So what is your excuse today? Why didn’t you create? LOL

Thursday, April 7, 2011

I Wish I COuld.....

Ok lets talk about it for a bit. Positive attitude. Does it afect our art? I think it does. If we have a negative attitude we can use our art to bring us out of it by creating something beautiful. But on the other hand if we are negative to the point where we are angry could that impede our creativity? Yes I think so on that point as well. CAn we create better art work with either? I guess it depends on the person. Im confused. SO should I make myself agry sad and depressed so I can create a certain color scheme? Or should I get high or something to make myself create something out of this world. The laughing process also triggers the release of dopamine (your body’s version of morphine). It’s the same chemical, released in response to torture of the body, that causes the “runner’s high”. And, most people find laughing more fun than running a marathon. LOL. SO...we can laugh while we are painting and get high in the process. SO there is something to be said for having a positive attitude and being happy all the time. Or at least most of the time. Why not all of the time? Well..let us face it there is something we call life and all of it's events. Death, sickness, tragedy....etc..

We have to give of ourselves as artists. We have to feed our soul if we want to maintain an insane level of happiness and positivity. Sometimes in our life we are put into positions where we think are ridiculous. Or are they? Did we ask for these situations or did they randomnly happen to us? I think we ask for shit all the time. To tell you the truth most of our life's problems or situations are a direct reflection of our decisions and thought process. We ask for it enough we get it. If I worry so much about getting in an accident and worry worry to the point of obsession with worry over it. Guess what.....WAMMO it will happen. I know. Doubt. But true. I saw myself an artist. I had not ever done a show for my life or been a part of any art related function and I created myself a life full of artist friends and now I have a wonderful network I can reach out to. I am an artist. I was unhappy with myself in job situation. Thinking of the unhappiness and the rut. It was a great paying job but I was not happy. I saw myself doing something more rewarding. I craved it. I envisioned it. I cried over it. I dreamt it. Make a long story short....I am in a job where I could only dream about and love it. I meet new people and get a chance to touch others lives. I am touched by others. Not physically of course. For now I am here.

I created my own life. My children see me happy. All of the people closest to me that knew of my emotional state of mind see the change. All because I had enough and saw myself in change. Appreciated where I was at the moment and was patient. Thanked God for giving me what I had all these years. Appreciated what he brought me. But I asked for a change and knew it would happen. It did. People always say..." Life IS Not Perfect" Yes it can be. It can be as perfect as you want it to be. It can deliver a perfect answer to your request. It can become a perfect cause in effect to what you see in your heart soul and mind. Think about it for a minute. Do you daydream of what you can be or want to be? After you daydream do you walk towards the dream even if it is a small step towards touching that dream into reality? Or do you just sit back and watch it like a movie fantasy that can never happen because of your alledged limitations? LOL.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Boo Hoo

WE all have the life long ability to become who we want to be. I do not care who you are and what excuse you give me. There are circumstances that re direct our paths and I think for the most part we allow these incidents to discourage us from improving and head towards that goal of what we want to achieve. As artists we have road blocks that come in artistic form. We find ourselves searching for new and fresh ideas, We worry about what others think of our work. If we create our art for supporting our livelihood then we become filled with anxiety if we don't measure up financially to accommodate our needs. Then we set ourselves up for failure. Then we turn our passion into a serious negative part of our life we dread. We call it work. Some artists get caught In a trap and turn their passion into work. Hard work. Like going to the dentist. Waking up dreading the thought that we have to create new and fresh ideas to make the public happy. Or worse creating what the public wants day after day and having someone direct your creativity. How do we lose this control? How does someone lose control of their happiness? They allow it. We never lose control. We choose to. We choose to kill ourselves and turn our work into something we despise. instead of the passion and fire for our creative process we have a discontent and resentment for the public because the picky pickys want a certain color or imagery. where am i going down this path? I am explaining how not to turn your passion into work. How to in fact turn your work upside down and make it your passion. Whatever you do in life make a point to go through the process day by day with a fire! Create with a fire. love in your heart.Think of the people you will make happy with what you create. The human spirit is worth it. The love of making someone connect with your piece is a wonderful emotion. Transform yourself into a creator of emotion through your art. Practice creating at work. Create happiness in your work environment and feel good about what it is you do. It does not matter what. wake up and see our environment as a palette. We have so much to create from as artists. See life as inspiration. Positive energy is always flowing and we as artists have to capture that in our daily lives to create our masterpieces. We have to be confident to create and filling ourselves up with happiness is a very natural way to inspire ourselves. I know., Sounds like a crock of shit. If you know me you will understand my thinking. If you don't know me.... It doesn't matter. If you want to continue with your miserable boo hoo existence go right ahead. Do not read my blog. Don't send me your negative comments. Quit sending me your pitiful excuses of why. Instead use that energy flip it and be happy. Use that anger and malnutrition of happiness and look in the mirror and force yourself to love your self. Then get your brush, pen, paper, canvas camera, pencil whatever you use and create yourself something that you love and it doesn't matter if it disgusts everyone.....you are happy.