Friday, August 20, 2010

Angry Creator.Happy to be FREE

there are so many excuses i have been making for not painting letely. some of the excuses i blame on family members and friends and other people. some of the excuses i blame on my situation in my life. some of the excuses i just make out of no where. but the real reason i have not been creating lately because i have been trying to sell out and i do not have the stomache to. i am an artist who is so proud of the freedoms we share to create and thrive in our self expression. i am always telling people to savor the gift they have while they have it and respect it by creating with their heart. i am such a hypocrite because i am not following my mantra. it is just like a blogger or a preacher or anyone who is trying to inspire others. they inspire others to do what they are not doing. like a parent living their life through their children. having them do all the things they did not have the courage to do when they were children teens or young adults. when i was a child i had dreams of becoming an artist. i had dreams of living the artists life creating what i wanted even though i would not be that picasso or michaelangelo. i had big dreams. then i left home. i left home at 17 scared and running. leaving my dreams behind. for the next 20 something years i lived my life. raised children became a grandfather....not happy with my choices in life regarding my career. or at least not doing something i loved. i do not regret the path i have taken. what i do regret is not integrating my love for art in my life as a commitment to myself. instead i was afraid to expose that side of me for fear of rejection.

the new me. fuck you. i will paint what i want and create what i want. i will show anyone and everyone and enjoy every waking moment and create pieces that i enjoy creating. they might disgust the world and not sell but i will create that shit anyway. i have been creating in hopes of impressing people. i have been following the advice of some pretty vicious people who do not give a shit about me or what i want to create. they do not care if they know me today or tomorrow. all they care about is their status in this art scene they are in. i have also met some wonderfully talented artists that care about me so much they are willing to take the shirt off of their back to help me. i love these people. they matter to me. some of these people sell their work some dont. and they dont even care. yes they need to make a living but....and a big but....they want to live their life doing something they love and they will do it their way. i am self taught...that means i have no clue as to what the fuck i am doing when i pick up the brush. i do not have a clue as to who created what style or a way of doing things. all i care is that i pick up my brush, spray can, grinder, glue, rusted metal and make something that moves someone. i will give the shit away to make you happy. i do not really care. i love the feeling of seeing someone that looked at my work and actually cried,  laughed, screamed, yelled, any emotion here will do. as long as they are looking and remember who i am. yes i want to be remembered. not for some ego trip. i want to be remember as the guy that had a passion for his art. i am not the most talented person by a stretch and i do not even care to be known as that. but i am very passionate about creating art. creating art that ,loves people. creating art that has a story. look at a piece of mine and lets talk about it. I love you and i want to make you smile. i even love you when i am telling you to fuck off because you annoy the shit out of me with your smug attitude criticizing me for how i paint, my so called incorrect technique. i am not going to change for you asshole. i will love you and respect all artists out their who struggle with their fears and show my passion and hope to give some inspiration of courage to show the world their/your gift. my life is shit right now in many areas. but one thing is for certain....i love who i love and i love creating art. 

No comments:

Post a Comment