Sunday, January 15, 2012


my day started this morning being thankfull for waking. being thankful for breathing normal. not having a disease or illness that keeps me from enjoying my life unninterrupted. i open the blinds and see the bright morning sun. i feel the sun warm through my window. i hear all the birds as they wake and call their families to join them in song. i hear the dogs bark to wake their masters. as the morning progresses i can hear the freeway rush sound increase. sirens start to blare. the alarm clock goes off. the anxiety sets in because now i have spent those early moments not doing a damn thing and i am late for work. now i am rushing to get out the door. people cutting me off. speeding to catch the hour. hurrying to be on time. chasing that minute. stressing out over the lingering thought of possibly getting a ticket for speeding. insurance premiums raising. gas prices on the rise. co workers with bad attitudes. not enough pay. the morning turns into a chore right away. job description is not what i imagined. fear keeps me there. fear of change. eating lunch. too many calories. not enough nutrients. burgers are making me sick with fats and grease. drank too much soda. feeling sick after the lunch break. cannot focus on the rest fo the day. ready to go home. family calls with bad news. worrying about them. friend calls with gossip. annoying information too much information. co worker gossiping about someone else. i am really busy. cant focus. yet my boss is telling us we are slow. worrying about losing my job. the hour is here. didnt get anything done. driving home. driving 25 miles at 20 miles an hour. late to pick up the kids at daycare. they charge for that. running out of gas on the freeway too busy to fill up. running on empty. remembering what the doctor said. lose the stress lose your life. blood pressure is high. grinding teeth. paranoid about the spouse always online at night. WTF? why am i doing this? wait there is more. need to go to the groceries. Need to pay the tags are late. insurance is due. rent/mortgage is due. taxes need to be done. clothes are getting tight. need to take a shower. gas is expensive! check engine light is on. i need a drink. i need to run away. have to get the kids. have to see my mom. dad just died. mis him. mom misses him. need to console her. she lives 60 miles away.

but wait there is more.........

How do we silence the confusion in our heads. for some of us this is a daily ritual. Going through a laundry list of duties and respnsibilities that are never ending. we start out the day appreciating end the day hating life. there was a time where I was thinking this way. the examples I gave are somewhat a parallel to the life I lived. At some point you have to change or modify this destructive way of thinking. We internalize our life in a negative tone at times. We do not realize this destructive thought process. Instead of showing appreciation throughout the entire day we throw the white flag up at first sign of distress. then we began to chase our tail the rest of the way holding on until it is time to sleep.

How do we change? Be happy. Love yourself. Love your life. If something in your life makes you uncomfortable. make a change. Modify your outlook on life. Instead of saying "I guess" say YES! Instead of whining, find a solution. Instead of sitting on your ass eating twinkies...go for a walk. Instead of yelling at your kids because you had a bad day, hug them and kiss them to recieve their love for some of that healing. Love is always healing.

Make a choice. the right choice. Go in the right direction. Free yourself from the drama.

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