there are so many excuses i have been making for not painting letely. some of the excuses i blame on family members and friends and other people. some of the excuses i blame on my situation in my life. some of the excuses i just make out of no where. but the real reason i have not been creating lately because i have been trying to sell out and i do not have the stomache to. i am an artist who is so proud of the freedoms we share to create and thrive in our self expression. i am always telling people to savor the gift they have while they have it and respect it by creating with their heart. i am such a hypocrite because i am not following my mantra. it is just like a blogger or a preacher or anyone who is trying to inspire others. they inspire others to do what they are not doing. like a parent living their life through their children. having them do all the things they did not have the courage to do when they were children teens or young adults. when i was a child i had dreams of becoming an artist. i had dreams of living the artists life creating what i wanted even though i would not be that picasso or michaelangelo. i had big dreams. then i left home. i left home at 17 scared and running. leaving my dreams behind. for the next 20 something years i lived my life. raised children became a grandfather....not happy with my choices in life regarding my career. or at least not doing something i loved. i do not regret the path i have taken. what i do regret is not integrating my love for art in my life as a commitment to myself. instead i was afraid to expose that side of me for fear of rejection.
the new me. fuck you. i will paint what i want and create what i want. i will show anyone and everyone and enjoy every waking moment and create pieces that i enjoy creating. they might disgust the world and not sell but i will create that shit anyway. i have been creating in hopes of impressing people. i have been following the advice of some pretty vicious people who do not give a shit about me or what i want to create. they do not care if they know me today or tomorrow. all they care about is their status in this art scene they are in. i have also met some wonderfully talented artists that care about me so much they are willing to take the shirt off of their back to help me. i love these people. they matter to me. some of these people sell their work some dont. and they dont even care. yes they need to make a living but....and a big but....they want to live their life doing something they love and they will do it their way. i am self taught...that means i have no clue as to what the fuck i am doing when i pick up the brush. i do not have a clue as to who created what style or a way of doing things. all i care is that i pick up my brush, spray can, grinder, glue, rusted metal and make something that moves someone. i will give the shit away to make you happy. i do not really care. i love the feeling of seeing someone that looked at my work and actually cried, laughed, screamed, yelled, any emotion here will do. as long as they are looking and remember who i am. yes i want to be remembered. not for some ego trip. i want to be remember as the guy that had a passion for his art. i am not the most talented person by a stretch and i do not even care to be known as that. but i am very passionate about creating art. creating art that ,loves people. creating art that has a story. look at a piece of mine and lets talk about it. I love you and i want to make you smile. i even love you when i am telling you to fuck off because you annoy the shit out of me with your smug attitude criticizing me for how i paint, my so called incorrect technique. i am not going to change for you asshole. i will love you and respect all artists out their who struggle with their fears and show my passion and hope to give some inspiration of courage to show the world their/your gift. my life is shit right now in many areas. but one thing is for certain....i love who i love and i love creating art.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Creative Loss Found
I have not painted very much lately if not at all. It is a crime for me because of the commitment I made for myself. Creating for me is like breathing. I have to be thinking of something all the time. Lately I have been absorbed by life. Contemplating so many things. Ideas are always fluttering overhead and yet I see them as so far away I cannot make sense of them. Like impaired vision. I have not found the right prescription for my sight to see this wonderful inspirational idea. I do not know if I am making sense. All I know is I have not been very motivated. I have spoken to others about this and they all say the same thing. Just paint you big sissy!
My heart has been bleeding lately. I do not know what it is. I still cannot look in the mirror and love that person looking back. If I did life would be more tolerable. It is like I am waiting in line for something to happen. In essence I guess we are all just waiting in line for the inevitable. When is my number up? We ask that everyday. I do not want to ask that anymore. I just want to feel happy. I want to live. I walk a very delicate trail. So many doors to choose from. So many distractions. We decide to head one way and then we get wishy washy and head a different way. It is so frustrating. I want to create and make my life of it. Yet I have to survive and pay bills. LOL. That is so funny. A distraction from my passion. I spent a wonderful year creating without worrying about paying the bills and now I have to go back to work. I failed at making my art work sustain me. I am a success at meeting and creating new friendships that will last a lifetime. Friendships in this wonderful art community. At least that is my positive from this experience. I can truly say with out a doubt I can call my fellow artists and art lovers friends. They have always supported me and my work. So many people I have met through events and shows, facebook and forums. I have met people from all walks of life. I am an artist.
Our lives shape who we are as an artist. I guess that is the answer to my dilemma. My muse is my life. My inspiration is my experience. I have not been able to create because I have been looking for substance in my work. I want to create and build a body of work that personifies who I am and my soul to be cleansed. I make a lot of pop art looking stuff. I create things that are pleasing to the eye. I need to create what is me. Who I am. Where I have been emotionally, spiritually and my essence needs to be captured. I have been so worried about everything else and not been paying attention to what I write here. I look within and I have the answer. We all have the answer within. We are a child of who created us. He created us in his image. We are his spirit. We are just like our creator. We have the power to change our environment. We have the gift to ask for what we need. That is a wonderful thing.
I know I had a lot of readers that enjoyed my writings and since I have been a little confused...more than usual...I have lost some readers. We are all human. I hope I can connect with someone out there and we can all learn from each others experiences. We are also in a capacity to help each other heal and heal ourselves with love. Not criticisms...but love.
My heart has been bleeding lately. I do not know what it is. I still cannot look in the mirror and love that person looking back. If I did life would be more tolerable. It is like I am waiting in line for something to happen. In essence I guess we are all just waiting in line for the inevitable. When is my number up? We ask that everyday. I do not want to ask that anymore. I just want to feel happy. I want to live. I walk a very delicate trail. So many doors to choose from. So many distractions. We decide to head one way and then we get wishy washy and head a different way. It is so frustrating. I want to create and make my life of it. Yet I have to survive and pay bills. LOL. That is so funny. A distraction from my passion. I spent a wonderful year creating without worrying about paying the bills and now I have to go back to work. I failed at making my art work sustain me. I am a success at meeting and creating new friendships that will last a lifetime. Friendships in this wonderful art community. At least that is my positive from this experience. I can truly say with out a doubt I can call my fellow artists and art lovers friends. They have always supported me and my work. So many people I have met through events and shows, facebook and forums. I have met people from all walks of life. I am an artist.
Our lives shape who we are as an artist. I guess that is the answer to my dilemma. My muse is my life. My inspiration is my experience. I have not been able to create because I have been looking for substance in my work. I want to create and build a body of work that personifies who I am and my soul to be cleansed. I make a lot of pop art looking stuff. I create things that are pleasing to the eye. I need to create what is me. Who I am. Where I have been emotionally, spiritually and my essence needs to be captured. I have been so worried about everything else and not been paying attention to what I write here. I look within and I have the answer. We all have the answer within. We are a child of who created us. He created us in his image. We are his spirit. We are just like our creator. We have the power to change our environment. We have the gift to ask for what we need. That is a wonderful thing.
I know I had a lot of readers that enjoyed my writings and since I have been a little confused...more than usual...I have lost some readers. We are all human. I hope I can connect with someone out there and we can all learn from each others experiences. We are also in a capacity to help each other heal and heal ourselves with love. Not criticisms...but love.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Why Do You Create?
Sometimes I find myself frustrated with my choice of subject matter. I will sit there and re do colors over and over. Erase, clear, clean and start over. Why do I do this. Who am I trying to impress? I should be creating for myself. Is my motive to be vain? AM I trying to appease the masses or the public. They do not matter. I have to remember that if someone connects with m work then I have succesfully created something in which came from my soul. A fine artist is suppose to create this way. I am not a commercial artist.
It is so eas to get caught up in measuring yourself up to your peers that are selling their work. Selling regularly. We can get caught up in the commercial side of this world of ours. I just want to create honestly. I want to create my vision. I want to see people connect with what I show. I was invited recently to a very important city with regards to artists and gelleries. I was working with a gallery owner and he began making suggestions on presentation. In his experience I figured I should at least try some of what he was hoping I try. I agreed to make the adjustment. He then began to change the integrity of my work....his ideas and my vision did not coinside. It is one thing to compromise because they are selling your work for you but it is another to give him control. I no longer am doing business with him. This might mean an opportunity out the window before it showed fruit....but really if I continue to network and be true to my vision then someone somewhere will appreciate where I am at and the way I do it. I feel at peace and a weight has been lifted.
I create for my soul first. My soul is connected to that energy force we call GOD. God has given me a gift to create and connect. I will connect and inspire others to do the same. This is my love and passion. I want people to see my passion. It will stand out that I am trying to hard to accommodate. I would rather see the rough and raw of my work. I Twill have a following that is true to who I am true to....my work. If not working with a gallery in a prominent part of town means I am not ready for big time,...then let it be so. I will not sell myself out. I will hold fast and be patient. My love will endure. My inspiration will succeed. My passion will reveal itself to whoever it is meant for. Make sense? I think it does. Onward then!
It is so eas to get caught up in measuring yourself up to your peers that are selling their work. Selling regularly. We can get caught up in the commercial side of this world of ours. I just want to create honestly. I want to create my vision. I want to see people connect with what I show. I was invited recently to a very important city with regards to artists and gelleries. I was working with a gallery owner and he began making suggestions on presentation. In his experience I figured I should at least try some of what he was hoping I try. I agreed to make the adjustment. He then began to change the integrity of my work....his ideas and my vision did not coinside. It is one thing to compromise because they are selling your work for you but it is another to give him control. I no longer am doing business with him. This might mean an opportunity out the window before it showed fruit....but really if I continue to network and be true to my vision then someone somewhere will appreciate where I am at and the way I do it. I feel at peace and a weight has been lifted.
I create for my soul first. My soul is connected to that energy force we call GOD. God has given me a gift to create and connect. I will connect and inspire others to do the same. This is my love and passion. I want people to see my passion. It will stand out that I am trying to hard to accommodate. I would rather see the rough and raw of my work. I Twill have a following that is true to who I am true to....my work. If not working with a gallery in a prominent part of town means I am not ready for big time,...then let it be so. I will not sell myself out. I will hold fast and be patient. My love will endure. My inspiration will succeed. My passion will reveal itself to whoever it is meant for. Make sense? I think it does. Onward then!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Why Is Creating So Hard Sometimes?
It is not a matter of subject matter that keeps us from continuing to create. It is not a matter of us not having enough passion. It is not a Decision we make that we do not feel like doing anything for that moment in time. The reason we do not create for long stretches of time is because of our surroundings. If we surround ourselves with negative it detracts from our positive thoughts and feelings. There are some who say that our negative experiences do motivate us and inspire for some interesting work. Yes that is very true. But in order to create...MOST of us have to be in the right settings or environment which are under our control.
If you want to discover yourself and who you are talk to your soul. In order to do that you need to meditate. You need to talk to your inner self and search inside for what the script is. What will you be painting about? Where is your character coming out in your work? There are so many variables that we process to display in our work. We need to adjust and embark on the truth when it comes to your heart and soul which is your work. We need to be able to connect hinestly with your following, People can read right through us when they see our work. It is not so much the process but the arrangement. the use of materials. The placement of color. We need to let ourselves go. We cannot do this with chaos around us. If there are people you are connecting with because you feel they are good for your carreer yet they are stressing you out...then ....remove them. Move on! Let it go! Even if your art is just for you. It is something you love and it is good for you. It is good to create and collaborate. We need to let our collective juices flow. We need to. We will die a paintful death without our first love. Our first love because we are born creating. We are intuitively trying to make the world a better place. Love Live Laugh And Create!
If you want to discover yourself and who you are talk to your soul. In order to do that you need to meditate. You need to talk to your inner self and search inside for what the script is. What will you be painting about? Where is your character coming out in your work? There are so many variables that we process to display in our work. We need to adjust and embark on the truth when it comes to your heart and soul which is your work. We need to be able to connect hinestly with your following, People can read right through us when they see our work. It is not so much the process but the arrangement. the use of materials. The placement of color. We need to let ourselves go. We cannot do this with chaos around us. If there are people you are connecting with because you feel they are good for your carreer yet they are stressing you out...then ....remove them. Move on! Let it go! Even if your art is just for you. It is something you love and it is good for you. It is good to create and collaborate. We need to let our collective juices flow. We need to. We will die a paintful death without our first love. Our first love because we are born creating. We are intuitively trying to make the world a better place. Love Live Laugh And Create!
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