Does Love Affect Our Creativity?

the rollercoaster of emotions we feel when we are in love is very confusing at times. yes it feels good to be so close to someone and feel that joy of someone loving you back. but it can be tiresome at times. trying to please them. worrying about keeping them happy. in my mind it should be effortless shouldnt it? if you are truly in love with your so called soulmate shouldnt it be easy? as an artist i create my works with all my heart and emotions. i am very passionate when i start my pieces. since i have started to paint i have become a cry baby. i cannot explain it. i really have to be in a special place when i think of the color i will be using. i try and block everything out so i can go with the theme of he piece instead of the theme of what i am feeling at the time. as much as a give effort to doing this my pieces always will reflect what i was feeling at the time i created the piece. i am starting to really re think this process now. i am finding if i try to paint the opposite of what i feel then it will look rushed or fake. unfinished....like something is missing. i look at my imagery now as an extension of my soul. i always have. but now it is really taking a shape not like before. i am learning that now this canvas(metal) is now the window to my heart and soul. the colors will feel warm with happiness, dark with sadness bright with positivity. i am finding that when i release the negative through my work it is powerful. if i depict happiness in my colors it encourages me with good energy that lasts. love is a very powerful tool when painting. it makes everything brighter, darker, rich in color, painfully rough when sad. love can be channeled through our work if we listen to our heart. corny? might be. then again if that is what you think then close this page and bye bye. 

Pressing Forward in Full Color

Ill make it short this time. I now I can get really lengthy in my rants. I was told in the very beginning from someone they enjoyed my blog but that I should not blab too much. LOL. Do not read it! Gee wiz. How funny is that someone telling me how to write my blog. I get it though...if I am looking for regulars to make them catchy and interesting full of content of value to the reader. I guess that is when I was trying to make a blog for Google Adsense. At this point I do not even care. All I care is that I say what I have to say about the art scene that maybe an artist thinks and feels the same about that maybe they cannot seem to find the nerve to say. I have nothing to lose. I am happy painting now. I wanted so bad to be a part of that wonderful art world and be well known and respected. Guess what!? It is just like anywhere else in life. There is the few that make the experience a challenging one. There are people that have so much pull and they are the major influence....if you are not in good with these people they can really make your life hard. They will bad mouth you. It does not make a difference how nice your work is. You just have to stay clear of these people and smile, have a wonderful great attitude about it and find a place or group that will accept you and encourage you. It is much easier when you can relate to other artists who have the passion you have. It is so refreshing when there are genuine people that you can sit and talk about how lovely life is creating and enjoying your gift with others. This is the amazing part of being an artist.

Angry Creator.Happy to be FREE

there are so many excuses i have been making for not painting letely. some of the excuses i blame on family members and friends and other people. some of the excuses i blame on my situation in my life. some of the excuses i just make out of no where. but the real reason i have not been creating lately because i have been trying to sell out and i do not have the stomache to. i am an artist who is so proud of the freedoms we share to create and thrive in our self expression. i am always telling people to savor the gift they have while they have it and respect it by creating with their heart. i am such a hypocrite because i am not following my mantra. it is just like a blogger or a preacher or anyone who is trying to inspire others. they inspire others to do what they are not doing. like a parent living their life through their children. having them do all the things they did not have the courage to do when they were children teens or young adults. when i was a child i had dreams of becoming an artist. i had dreams of living the artists life creating what i wanted even though i would not be that picasso or michaelangelo. i had big dreams. then i left home. i left home at 17 scared and running. leaving my dreams behind. for the next 20 something years i lived my life. raised children became a grandfather....not happy with my choices in life regarding my career. or at least not doing something i loved. i do not regret the path i have taken. what i do regret is not integrating my love for art in my life as a commitment to myself. instead i was afraid to expose that side of me for fear of rejection.

the new me. fuck you. i will paint what i want and create what i want. i will show anyone and everyone and enjoy every waking moment and create pieces that i enjoy creating. they might disgust the world and not sell but i will create that shit anyway. i have been creating in hopes of impressing people. i have been following the advice of some pretty vicious people who do not give a shit about me or what i want to create. they do not care if they know me today or tomorrow. all they care about is their status in this art scene they are in. i have also met some wonderfully talented artists that care about me so much they are willing to take the shirt off of their back to help me. i love these people. they matter to me. some of these people sell their work some dont. and they dont even care. yes they need to make a living but....and a big but....they want to live their life doing something they love and they will do it their way. i am self taught...that means i have no clue as to what the fuck i am doing when i pick up the brush. i do not have a clue as to who created what style or a way of doing things. all i care is that i pick up my brush, spray can, grinder, glue, rusted metal and make something that moves someone. i will give the shit away to make you happy. i do not really care. i love the feeling of seeing someone that looked at my work and actually cried,  laughed, screamed, yelled, any emotion here will do. as long as they are looking and remember who i am. yes i want to be remembered. not for some ego trip. i want to be remember as the guy that had a passion for his art. i am not the most talented person by a stretch and i do not even care to be known as that. but i am very passionate about creating art. creating art that ,loves people. creating art that has a story. look at a piece of mine and lets talk about it. I love you and i want to make you smile. i even love you when i am telling you to fuck off because you annoy the shit out of me with your smug attitude criticizing me for how i paint, my so called incorrect technique. i am not going to change for you asshole. i will love you and respect all artists out their who struggle with their fears and show my passion and hope to give some inspiration of courage to show the world their/your gift. my life is shit right now in many areas. but one thing is for certain....i love who i love and i love creating art. 

Creative Loss Found

I have not painted very much lately if not at all. It is a crime for me because of the commitment I made for myself. Creating for me is like breathing. I have to be thinking of something all the time. Lately I have been absorbed by life. Contemplating so many things. Ideas are always fluttering overhead and yet I see them as so far away I cannot make sense of them. Like impaired vision. I have not found the right prescription for my sight to see this wonderful inspirational idea. I do not know if I am making sense. All I know is I have not been very motivated. I have spoken to others about this and they all say the same thing. Just paint you big sissy!

My heart has been bleeding lately. I do not know what it is. I still cannot look in the mirror and love that person looking back. If I did life would be more tolerable. It is like I am waiting in line for something to happen. In essence I guess we are all just waiting in line for the inevitable. When is my number up? We ask that everyday. I do not want to ask that anymore. I just want to feel happy. I want to live. I walk a very delicate trail. So many doors to choose from. So many distractions. We decide to head one way and then we get wishy washy and head a different way. It is so frustrating. I want to create and make my life of it. Yet I have to survive and pay bills. LOL. That is so funny. A distraction from my passion. I spent a wonderful year creating without worrying about paying the bills and now I have to go back to work. I failed at making my art work sustain me. I am a success at meeting and creating new friendships that will last a lifetime. Friendships in this wonderful art community. At least that is my positive from this experience. I can truly say with out a doubt I can call my fellow artists and art lovers friends. They have always supported me and my work. So many people I have met through events and shows, facebook and forums. I have met people from all walks of life. I am an artist.

Our lives shape who we are as an artist. I guess that is the answer to my dilemma. My muse is my life. My inspiration is my experience. I have not been able to create because I have been looking for substance in my work. I want to create and build a body of work that personifies who I am and my soul to be cleansed. I make a lot of pop art looking stuff. I create things that are pleasing to the eye. I need to create what is me. Who I am. Where I have been emotionally, spiritually and my essence needs to be captured. I have been so worried about everything else and not been paying attention to what I write here. I look within and I have the answer.  We all have the answer within. We are a child of who created us. He created us in his image. We are his spirit. We are just like our creator. We have the power to change our environment. We have the gift to ask for what we need. That is a wonderful thing.

I know I had a lot of readers that enjoyed my writings and since I have been a little confused...more than usual...I have lost some readers. We are all human. I hope I can connect with someone out there and we can all learn from each others experiences. We are also in a capacity to help each other heal and heal ourselves with love. Not criticisms...but love.